Hi everybody! Hopefully this is obvious (if not by the layout of the blog — I don’t really know how blogs work? — then by the quality of the post), this is my first blog post. It’s pretty exciting. You should definitely keep reading it. Actually, on second thought, why are you reading it? I guarantee that you have way better things to be doing with your time than reading whatever nonsense I’m spewing. If The Internet ever enforces emissions standards in the blogosphere, this blog will be the first thing shut down for failing to meet them.
I guess a more pertinent question (and probably a good first post topic) is why am I writing it? And to answer that you’ll need to know a little bit more (than you ever wanted to) about me. Specifically, you need to know two things:
- I enjoy writing
- I am a terrible person
The first point goes back to my youth — and what a youth it was! I had a cat and, from what I’ve just said and what I’m about to say, apparently no friends. I spent my time petting my cat or writing fiction based on real-world experiences. You know, the standard stuff — stories about fighting with my brother … in space, because we were both generals of great space armies fighting an intergalactic war of good against evil (guess who was good and who was evil!). Oh, and we could both use The Force and had at least one epic lightsaber battle per story. So, all-in-all, an art mirroring reality sorta thing. Also there were Serengeti animals that could fly fighter jets and routinely took on massive poaching syndicates. If you don’t see how the first story and second story can be same-world canon, you probably shouldn’t be reading this blog. (This is all true, btw. Maybe if I’m bored or lazy I will manage to dig some of it up and we’ll get a blast-from-the-past highlights post, but if we’re lucky all of those stories are lost forever and will never see the light of day again).
The second point is a more recent development — I swear I used to be a good person (it’s hard to be a bad one when you spend so much time writing terrible stories that you have no human interaction). But of course identifying a problem is the first step toward fixing it, which I try to do every January in the form of making a bunch of New Year’s resolutions I know I won’t or can’t keep. In an effort to spend more time doing things that enrich my life (while simultaneously impoverishing the world at large), I’ve resolved this year to start writing again — so bingo, blog-o.
Knowing both of those things (the more you know!), you can better understand why I’m writing this and why it will be, in almost all cases, totally unreadable garbage. I’ll be trying to update about once a week. The format is likely to be a hodgepodge of stupid nonsense — short stories (or parts of short stories), journal entries, or aimless musings about anything or nothing at all. Really, I just wanted a place to write down my thoughts once a week, so they don’t get lost to time forever (what a shame that would be).
Since the goal is really just to allow me to write stupid nonsense, I’m assuming that there will be basically zero readership. I cannot stress to you enough how totally into that idea I am. With no readership comes no pressure — no pressure to make sense, no pressure to post good content, and no pressure to follow a subject or theme. Since I can’t (and won’t) do any of those, this suits me just fine! That said, if you somehow end up here and read an entire post, do me a favor and write me a comment. I probably won’t read it, since I’ll assume it’s extremely negative, but it would be nice to know if someone is picking up what I’m putting down, if for no other reason than to know exactly how much pressure I should be feel to do those things above.